Interview
Interview
Sophie Garrad thinks she could make a serial killer laugh
Talking private school, Instagram stalking and becoming a clown ahead of the comedian’s UK tour
Sophie Garrad knows her audience. Her ‘Private School Mum’ and ‘London Girlies’ sketches on social media have built her a following that she describes as the ‘yummy mummies’ of London – an audience she says are super supportive. As she prepares to take her Poor Little Rich Girl tour across the UK, however, she wonders how they’ll react to seeing a more personal side of her.
“The stuff I talk about in my show, I do not talk about online at all,” she says. “It’s kind of like a glimpse into my real life.”
That ‘real life’ is a childhood a little different to the one many of us experience – nannies, ski slopes, a lift to private school in a police car – but nosiness is universal. “The main theme is juicy gossip about me and my life and my family,” says Garrad. “Some of it is so crazy that people think it’s just a character.” If she ever stops forgetting that her upbringing was abnormal, she tells us her partner is there to remind her to – in her words – “stop being a shallow cow.”
Ahead of Garrad’s UK tour, we got stuck in a lift with her to chat celebrity gossip, love bombing, and how she almost became a clown.
Who would you most want to be stuck in a lift with?
I would be in a lift with most famous people, because I just would love to get some gossip. I’m obsessed with celebrity gossip so I think, right now, today, 100% Brooklyn Beckham. I’m obsessed with it. It’s all I can consume. Me and my mom are having hour long debates on the phone about it. I just think he’s already cracked. He’s already spilling the secrets. And I think that is just the tip of the iceberg. I reckon there’s so much drama in that family that if I get him in the lift, he’s already going to be stressed, and I think he’ll start to just spill.
Who would you least want to be stuck in a lift with?
I wouldn’t want to be stuck with a few of my exes. I’d probably say a serial killer. I’d actually probably choose a serial killer over some of my exes. But my toxic trait is, I think if I was stuck in a lift with a serial killer, I’d manage to make him laugh and get them on side. And that’s something I should take to therapy.
What’s the weirdest interaction you’ve ever had with a famous person?
I haven’t had any weird ones, but when I was doing one of my work in progress shows last year, I came out on stage and Gillian McKeith and her daughter were sat front row. I found it so stressful, because I was like, this is Queen Gillian McKeithin! I was really thrown. Afterwards we were chatting for ages, and they were just being so nice to me that I was like, “No, this is this isn’t normal”. But other than that I’ve not had any weird celeb encounters. I wish I had because I would thrive off that.
What’s the last gig or live show that you saw live?
The one that sticks in my head was Gary Starr’s show Classic Penguins. I just thought it was so funny, it was so weird, it was so clever, it was so silly. I love stuff like that. I love clowning things. I always think people are surprised that if I’m gonna choose to go to a comedy show, I’d go and see a clown. I just love the weird, crazy shit. I find it so funny. It’s something that is so far beyond something I could do. I once researched going to clown school. I did a clown course and it was the hardest, most excruciating thing I’ve ever done.
What’s your guiltiest pleasure?
Doing a big, deep stalk on people. You know when you get so deep into it? I’m very good at that, and I can find anyone really on social media. I should really work for the CIA. I’m not even American.
What’s the worst advice you’ve ever been given?
I think it’s that when you’re dating someone, they should be giving you loads of gifts, loads of attention, they should be telling you they love you within like a week or two weeks… Now I know that is love bombing, and that is not romance. That is the worst advice I had in my 20s.
What’s the worst job you’ve ever had?
Every job. I hate working. My first ever job, I worked at Hollister, which is literally like an escape room. The interview was just a photo of my face, and then they gave me a job where I was working in the back, at nighttime, folding t-shirts. I was like, how ugly am I to get this job? I did one shift and I was like, this is not for me.
Do you have any special skills that no one knows you have?
I find that quite a triggering question, because I have zero. I’m always like, what else can I do? I can’t dance, and it’s my dream to go on Strictly Come Dancing, which is actually insane, because I’m the worst dancer ever.
If you had to have a song playing every time you walked in a room, what would it be?
I think it would definitely be ‘Toxic’ by Britney Spears. That’s the song I come out to on stage for my show, and it’s kind of a nice warning to everyone when I come into a room about what’s about to happen.
What did your 12-year-old self think that you’d be doing now?
I think she would have thought that I would be CEO of a bank and I’d be so rich. I’m not. I think she would be horrified. I didn’t know what stand-up was until I was 17. Someone got me tickets to go see Michael McIntyre at the O2, and I remember thinking, sorry, why would I want to see a man stand on stage talking for an hour? But I went, and I was like, this is the best thing I’ve ever seen. I couldn’t believe it.
When did stand up become the dream?
I was working in advertising in my 20s, and I would always have people say to me, “you should do comedy.” I’d never really been a good writer, and I didn’t even know how to write a joke. But I finally signed up to do a course, and I remember feeling so sick at the thought of it. I felt so out of my comfort zone. But I loved it so much.
In my life, I’ve quit so many things, and I really am a big believer in quitting, but it really scares me how there’s just not one part of me that ever wants to quit comedy. This is the rest of my life now.
Do you have any really controversial food opinions?
I love all food, but I do think brown sauce shouldn’t exist. I’ve never tried it, but the look of it makes me sick. Sauces freak me out. I like ketchup, but if it gets on my skin, that’s me done for the day. Put me to bed because I’m out. But if Heinz wants to do a brand campaign, hit me up.
Sophie Garrad will tour the UK this spring – find tickets here
