Interview
Interview
Jason Manford helped Lionel Messi toast his bread
With A Manford All Seasons underway, Jason Manford talks Lionel Messi, fast food rivalries, and why his biopic would have to be an action movie.
Jason Manford wants you to escape the rigours of reality and daily life when you come to see him on his current comedy tour, A Manford All Seasons, just as much as he does it seems. Likely why he’s announced a mammoth tour which will see him pay visits to towns and cities up and down the country.
Before he stepped foot amid the bright lights of Dunstable where his tour would resume after a month’s break, Jason popped into Ticketmaster UK’s HQ for a quick natter. “It’s a couple of hours where you can just forget about the stresses and strains of everyday life,” he said about A Manford All Seasons. “You’re going to have had a tough day, I will have had a tough day. But for a couple of hours, we get in a room and have a nice laugh. That’s all I can promise.”
The celebrated Manchester comedian – plus actor, presenter, and radio show host to boot – has won numerous accolades for his salt-of-the-earth observational comedy. So you can certainly hold him to that promise.
Meanwhile, we got stuck in a lift with the 8 Out Of 10 Cats star and Waterloo Road actor to talk Lionel Messi’s toast preferences, fast food franchise rivalries, and why a biopic of his life would have to be an action movie.
Who would you most like to be stuck in a lift with?
A lift engineer, I think? Some sort of expert. It’s not a time to be meeting your heroes. Some expert to get us out of that mess. Or Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson.
Who would you least like to be stuck in a lift with?
I’d least like to be stuck in a lift… my own family. My children, my mother, my wife. These people would be no help. Definitely none of those. Anyone that’s adverse to showering, it’ll get stinky in there. That sort of vibe. I cannot be the most useful person in this lift.
What’s the weirdest interaction you’ve had with a famous person?
I’ve had loads of weird interactions with famous people. The weirdest one has to be Lionel Messi who I was standing next to at a breakfast buffet waiting for the toaster. I think Barcelona were playing Chelsea. They were all on some tables when I was at the buffet. I was there [in London] for three days, filming 8 Out Of 10 Cats, I think. Messi was just waiting for his toast to come through the conveyor belt. At that moment, I met the greatest footballer of all time, and I said ‘you’ve got to put it through twice’ because his toast was too pale.
Did he understand a word you were saying?
Errr no. He did put it through twice though. He did get the right piece of toast that he wanted. It’s certainly not a chapter in my autobiography. But that’s the answer to your question.
Who was the last comedian you went to see live?
Probably Kevin Bridges. But I actually go to watch a lot of comedy. I watch all the big American stars when they come over. I watch all my pals and peers like Sarah Millican – I saw her in Blackpool recently. John Bishop, of course. Michael MacIntyre. I’ve got a comedy club so I watch all the up-and-coming comics and all the mainstays of the British circuit. I’m not just a comedian, I’m a fan of comedy as well.
Are there any budding comedians you want to shout out?
I can’t mention any comedians. There’s already too much competition who are also on tour, so no, I won’t be recommending any other comedians. Come and see me.
What’s the worst heckle you’ve ever got?
I’m trying to think of one that’s suitable… The funniest one is very not appropriate. There’s not even many swear words involved, it’s the entire subject matter. It’s a funny thing with heckling, it doesn’t happen as often as you think. People getting up to the toilet is the main issue. Sometimes, it’s your own fault. As a comedian you find yourself going into a conversation that you shouldn’t be in…
I’d say the worst interaction I had with a potential heckler was when I saw a coat on the floor with some reflector strips. I was like ‘oh, someone’s left their coat in the aisle’. Thinking ‘I’ll get a couple of minutes out of this, it’ll be a laugh with him’. He cut me down replying ‘it’s not my coat, it’s my guide dog’. Then my eyes adjusted and saw it was a dog. I had nothing. Obviously with British crowds there’s no support, they’re like ‘deal with this’. I’m not Frankie Boyle or Jimmy Carr, I’m not going to destroy a blind guy. I’m just going to say sorry and move on. Before I did, another bloke shouted out ‘how did you know he’s talking to you?!’ which was the biggest laugh of the night.
What is your guiltiest pleasure?
My guiltiest pleasure… It’s not paddle tennis [gesturing to his publicist], I’m proud of paddle tennis. I don’t know if it’s a guilty pleasure, but I’m a sucker for a special offer or something that says limited edition. ‘Oh it’s an orange Yorkie’, then I’d better have it because how long is that gonna be out for? If I’m in the garage, trying to be good and healthy, but if someone’s like ‘oh it’s a mocha flavour KitKat’ then I better see what that’s like. I will have any special edition flavoured something of something. Every. Time.
Two-part question: If a biopic was made about your life, who would you want to play you, and realistically who do you think would be cast to play you in a biopic?
It’s always an interesting question when you’re asked this. You’d hope as an actor you’d at least get an audition to be playing yourself at some point in a movie. I’ve been turned down for parts in the past where I’ve been like ‘fair enough I wasn’t right for it’. I feel like in this scenario I might be right for it so I would hopefully get a look in. Though it might be a bit weird playing yourself. Obviously you’d want someone decent looking, but not crazy. I’m no George Clooney…
Ay, come on now.
Oh thanks mate, appreciate that. This lift’s getting a little smaller now… I’d probably go for someone funny but not devastatingly gorgeously, but worth looking at. I’m not an ogre. I’m gonna go for… Jason Statham. I’ve changed it up, last second. This should be an action movie.
A Manford All Seasons is a solid title for an action movie.
“A Manford All Seasons” [delivered in a gruff Hollywood trailer-like overdub impression]. It’d just be Statham being like “why am I in Hull?!” Who would realistically play me though? Alan Halsall, Tyrone from Coronation Street. He’s a good actor, I’d be proud of that to be honest.
What’s the worst advice you’ve ever been given?
I suppose the worst advice you get given is at school isn’t it? It’s an odd thing. I remember doing my GCSEs thinking my whole life was resting on this moment, Geography, History, Technology, Science. And it wasn’t. Nobody has ever asked me for my record of achievements. Even though I act, nobody’s asked what I got in drama. The self-fulfilling prophecy is that my daughter is in that situation now and I’m putting the pressure on. To a degree. But life’s hard enough as it is at that age, without having to learn about oxbow lakes and the Romans.
After your turn in Waterloo Road, are you more of a taskmaster these days?
Yes, I’m more of an education man now. Education, education, education.
What’s the worst job you’ve ever had?
Burger King. I don’t even need to think about it. Burger King. I started on the Friday and I finished at 15:00 on the Saturday afternoon. That’s the first and last time I worked in a fast food restaurant. The actual job was sort of ok – it was hard, a bit backbreaking, hot, sticky. It was the manager who had a bit of a Caesar complex. There was training on the Friday, I remember on the Saturday – I was 16 – you were allowed a Burger King for your lunch, but just the junior one. They were so tight, this multi-million pound business. You had to make it yourself. The manager came over to check it and said ‘you’re not actually allowed cheese on your burger’. This was the start of me being a rebel in the workplace. I went to McDonalds in my Burger King uniform, then ate a full McDonalds in full view in the window, in my uniform. The manager went, ‘can I have a chat?’, and I said ‘I’ll see you after, I’m on my lunch’. Sacked.
I don’t regret it. Do you know what? I’ve not had a Whopper since. Never been back. Even at Euston when Burger King is one of the few good food options, I go to the place with rock hard baguettes instead.
If a song played every time you walked in a room, what would it be?
‘Simply The Best’ is a bit big. Setting yourself up for a fall with ‘Simply The Best’. I don’t even think the words need to make sense, you just want to get everyone on side as you walk in. What’s the 4 Non Blonde’s song? ‘What’s Up?’ You come in looking around like “what’s goin’ on?” Everyone’s like ‘heyyy yeahhh’ [raising his hands like a gospel preacher] as you’re walking in. [In a high-pitched squeal] “I wake in the mornin’”, yeah that’s a good one.
You can see Jason Manford on his current comedy tour A Manford All Seasons. Find tickets here
