Comedy
Interview
Melanie Bracewell thinks Elon Musk would probably eat her to survive
Ahead of the comedian’s UK tour, we got stuck in a lift to chat superstitions, NBA players and being a nuisance
Melanie Bracewell is excited for her UK tour, but not so much for British winter.
“Last time it was tough,” says the New Zealand comedian. “I remember thinking, “Lots of my friends have moved here… I don’t know why.” Then I came to London in summer, and I was like, “Oh, okay.” I was walking down the streets with all the cafes and birds chirping, and I was like, “I’ve been here before, but it was different then.”
After a sell-out run at the Edinburgh Fringe, Bracewell is touring her show, Attack Of The Melanie Bracewell, around the UK. It’s a night that promises to blend punchline-heavy comedy with an epic story of revenge and justice, and Bracewell is more than ready to deliver – just as soon as she’s packed her winter jumpers. She’ll be kicking off the tour in Newcastle on Thursday 20 February before taking the show across the country, including a stop at London’s Leicester Square Theatre on 7 March. Ahead of the live shows, we caught up with Bracewell to talk about her former career at Weight Watchers and why reciting Pi is not the fun party trick she once thought it would be. What else are you going to do when you’re stuck in a lift?
Who would you most want to be stuck in a lift with?
My first instinct would be like an NBA player of some kind, but I think that would be particularly cruel to have a seven-foot man shoved into a lift with me. At the moment, it would be Doechii. I’m kind of obsessed with her. She’s so funny and interesting, and she’s kind of on the up and up but probably hasn’t been around for long enough to become a total diva. I think she’d still be really down to earth and nice to chat too.
Who would you least want to be stuck in a lift with?
My first instinct on this one is New Zealand political figures that really piss me off, just their snivelly little faces. But maybe I should choose someone who is least likely to see this… I mean, it’s a cop out, but probably Elon Musk. His entire self-important vibe… I think it would tire after about two seconds. He’d probably be like, “Alright, we’re gonna have to revert to cannibalism now.”
Weirdest interaction you’ve ever had with a famous person?
Oh, I’ve had too many. Not that I’ve met many famous people, but every interaction I’ve had with them has been strange. I would say Stephen Adams, who’s a New Zealand NBA player. I remember being at the premier for The Real Housewives Of Auckland, and someone told me Stephen Adams was next door, and so I left the premier to go to the bar he was at. Then as soon as I was there, I was like, what am I planning to do here? It’s not like we’re friends and I’m gonna catch up with him. I thought he’d just be chilling at the bar. He was sat at a table having dinner with his friends. The only thing I could think of to say was, “You play basketball,” which I’m sure he already knows. Then to try and relate to him, I was like, “I also play basketball,” as if my social Sunday night team is on the same wavelength as his illustrious basketball career.
What’s the last live show you saw?
I went to go see Paramore and that just kind of unlocked part of my soul. Not that I had kept it fully stashed away – I still do listen to Paramore, but it was just such an amazing concert experience, because Hayley Williams is an incredible singer, but also just because hearing certain songs really took me back to certain times of my life where I was an angsty teen, and I loved just leaning into that for the night.
What’s on your rider?
I am so afraid of being a nuisance to anyone that I don’t even really have one. I remember one time casually saying to my management, “Oh, maybe I’ll have like, a gin and tonic before the show.” I think they put that on, because every venue I went to they went, “Sorry, we don’t really have gin, but we could maybe make a vodka soda?” It was just a throwaway comment that then became a demand. I feel nervous to even ask for water. If I start asking for sparkling water, you’ll know that I’ve changed
What’s the worst job you’ve ever had?
Oh, I’ve had a couple. I used to work at kids birthday parties. I would do face painting and balloon twisting. I thought the kids were so great but the parents were diabolical. They would shove like a crying baby on your lap and be like, “He wants to be Spider Man,” and you’re like, “Oh, I think he wants to leave…” So that was up there. I also used to work at Weight Watchers. I would weigh people in and write down their weight, which was such an odd experience. Imagine a 17-year-old really trying to have these body image conversations with people and just having no idea what to say. But I was good at math, so that’s why I got the job. I was very proud to just be so quick. I would be like, “You’ve gained 3.2 kgs!” and then I’d feel bad for sounding so excited.
What’s the worst advice you’ve ever been given?
When you’re a woman in comedy, you get a lot of it – from people on the street, from randoms on Facebook… A lot of them will give you a suggestion for a joke and you’re like, “That’s the worst thing I’ve ever heard.” Part of me would like to invite them to the show and say what they’ve suggested in front of them, so that they can see how badly it would go.
If you had to have a song playing every time you walked into a room, what would it be?
It would have to be upbeat. I really like a song called ‘Tokyo Drifting’ by Glass Animals. My fear, though, is that this is basically what I do – I choose a walk-on track for the shows, and by the end of the run I hate that song because it gives me anxiety. If I hear it in a pub, I’m like, “I’m on!” My fear is that it would make me absolutely hate that song. But that’s the song I first thought of, and it’s a song that I thrashed in Covid and I’m still not sick of it. So I’m sure it would last.
Who do you often get told you look like?
Oh, this is an easy one for me because I made a social media campaign out of it: Jacinda Ardern. I don’t know how much of it is just I have the same accent as her, but I did my makeup in a certain way, and I kind of expressed my face in the same way that she expresses her face, and that went gangbusters on TikTok.
What’s your most controversial food opinion?
Stop being so fussy. I could eat anything. If someone makes you a meal, unless you’re gonna go into anaphylactic shock, just give it a go. Some people are just like, “I don’t really eat that.” It’s like, well, you haven’t even really tried it. I don’t know if you can tell, but I grew up in a family where you couldn’t leave the table unless you ate dinner. So as a result, I’m so grateful that I am not picky at all, and I will eat anything. I’m just looking at the crumbs that have dropped down under the dishwasher and I think they look appetizing.
What film have you re-watched the most?
The movie that I’ve watched a few times and chosen to watch a few times is When Harry Met Sally, because I think it’s the best romantic comedy ever. As someone who likes writing romantic comedies, I feel like it’s the benchmark. My boyfriend has watched The Dark Knight so many times that he can quote the entire script. We played it the other day and he did it down to like, window opens, gunshot noise, gunshot noise. That’s not who I want to be.
Do you have any superstitions?
I used to be very superstitious about comedy. I thought if I wore a certain outfit and it went well, I would have to wear that outfit every single time I performed, and then if I changed outfits and it went badly, I would blame the outfit, which is probably just a bit of narcissism. It couldn’t possibly be me, it must be the dress! I have phases of being superstitious. Sometimes I’ll completely write it off as complete crap, and then other times I’ll see a ladder and think, “I don’t think I want to go under that.” It comes and goes and ebbs and flows for the most part, but if I can use it to explain something bad happening in my life, then absolutely. It’s the same as horoscopes. I’ll go, “Oh, I’m in a terrible mood and I’m grumpy to everyone and I’m yelling. Is it me and my personality? No, Mercury is in retrograde.”
Do you have a skill that no one else knows you’re good at?
I don’t even know if I would call it a skill, but I memorised 60 digits of Pi when I was at school, and I still know it in my head, but you’d be surprised at how infrequently that comes up in conversation. I thought, if I learn this, this is going to be one of those party tricks that anytime someone’s talking about a circle, I can use. But it has proven completely useless. The hard thing is, is that unless someone has their phone out, I could just be saying random numbers. It’s a skill where people go, “Yeah, I’ll take your word for it.”
