Theatre
By Numbers
Avenue Q By Numbers: Every song in the stage musical
Here’s your breakdown of every song on the soundtrack of Avenue Q
Avenue Q is back in the West End after a long fifteen years away, and the residents of New York’s most colourful neighbourhood are back in our streets once again. Given that most of its principal cast are puppets, you’d be forgiven for imagining that Avenue Q is a show for kids – to clear up any confusion, here’s your introduction to its soundtrack. Whether you’re seeing the show for the first time in decades or the first-time full stop, we’ve collated what you need to know about every song in Avenue Q.
Act One
The Avenue Q Theme
What Do You Do With A BA In English/It Sucks To Be Me
If You Were Gay
Purpose
Everyone’s A Little Bit Racist
The Internet Is For Porn
Mix Tape
I’m Not Wearing Underwear Today
Special
You Can Be As Loud As The Hell You Want
Fantasies Come True
My Girlfriend, Who Lives In Canada
There’s a Fine, Fine Line
‘The Avenue Q Theme’
This is the show’s Sesame Street-style theme song, introducing us to the lively world of Avenue Q, and letting us know that whilst this may look like a place for kids, in actuality it’s a bottomless pit of adult anxieties. Welcome!
Key lyric: “A perfect morning for a kid to play/But you’ve got lots of bills to pay”
‘What Do You Do With A BA In English/It Sucks To Be Me’
We meet our protagonist, Princeton, as he hunts for an apartment. He’s not feeling optimistic about his job prospects, but he’s still holding onto a degree of youthful optimism. As the other residents of Avenue Q start to appear, we learn about the struggles of Brian, Kate Monster, Rod & Nicky, Christmas Eve and Gary Coleman, with each claiming that their life sucks more than the rest.
Key lyric: “It sucks to be broke, and unemployed, and turning 33!”
‘If You Were Gay’
Roommates and close friends Rod and Nicky discuss sexuality – Nicky, who is straight, tries to prompt Rod to come out to him, whilst also making very sure that Rod knows he isn’t into men. He attempts to impress upon his friend that he doesn’t mind who he’s into, but Rod insists Nicky’s mistaken.
Key lyric: “If it were me/I would feel free/To say that I was gay/But I’m not gay”
‘Purpose’
Princeton moves into Avenue Q and discovers he’s been laid off from his job. Deterred for a moment, a penny minted in his birth year reignites his optimism, and he states his intention to discover his purpose in life.
The song interpolates one of musical theatre’s most famous ‘I Want’ songs – ‘Something’s Coming’ from West Side Story, in which Tony senses his fortune is about to change just before he meets love interest Maria.
Key lyric: “I don’t know how I know/But I’m gonna find my purpose”
‘Everyone’s A Little Bit Racist’
Princeton enquires if Kate Monster and their neighbour Trekkie Monster are related, a comment that she finds racist. He apologises, but then turns the tables on her to point out her own prejudices. In this jarringly jaunty number, they unpack attitudes to race in Central America, admitting that everyone has their biases no matter how well intentioned they are.
Key lyric: “I think everyone’s a little bit racist sometimes/Doesn’t mean we go around committing hate crimes”
‘The Internet Is For Porn’
Kate has her first opportunity to teach a kindergarten class all by herself and decides to give a lesson on the internet. However, Trekkie Monster hijacks her monologue to point out that realistically, most adults use the internet for porn.
Key lyric: KATE: “The internet is really really great!” TREKKIE MONSTER: “For porn.”
‘Mix Tape’
When Princeton gives Kate a mixtape, she’s unsure how to interpret its meaning. She wants to believe he likes her romantically, but she finds the track listing confusing – there’s a mix of love songs and songs about friendship, and a bunch of other rogue tracks. Eventually, Princeton invites her to the Around The Clock Café, leading her to believe he does actually have feelings for her.
Key lyric: “Sometimes when someone has a crush on you/They’ll make you a mix tape
to give you a clue”
‘I’m Not Wearing Underwear Today’
At the Around The Clock Café, Brian opens the show with his very unfunny stand-up set, encompassed in this brief, less than 30 seconds-long track.
Key lyric: I mean, you can infer.
‘Special’
The show’s headline performer, Lucy The Slut, takes to the stage at the Around The Clock Café and wins over the men in the crowd, including Princeton. Her cabaret-inspired number promises to whisk them away from their dissatisfying lives and make them feel above the ordinary.
Key lyric: “Sometimes you feel like you’re nobody/But you can feel like somebody with me”
‘You Can Be As Loud As The Hell You Want’
Drunk on long island iced teas, Kate and Princeton head home to have sex – noisily. Gary Coleman fields calls from angry tenants and dismisses the noise complaints, supporting Kate and Princeton’s right to be as loud as they like.
Key lyric: “You’re not allowed to be loud at the library/At the art museum or at a play/But when you and your partner are doing the nasty/Don’t behave like you’re at the ballet”
‘Fantasies Come True’
Rod hears Nicky say he loves him in his sleep, igniting hope that Nicky might return his feelings. However, his hopes are dashed when he wakes to realise that he was only dreaming.
Meanwhile, Princeton gives Kate his lucky penny and tells her how much their night together meant to him. She assures him she returns his feelings.
Key lyric: “What was always in my mind was in your mind too/Who knew? Fantasies come true”
‘My Girlfriend, Who Lives In Canada’
At Christmas Eve and Brian’s wedding, Nicky lets slip that he suspects Rod is gay, and Rod responds defensively with a lie about a secret girlfriend in a Canada.
Key lyric: “I wish you could meet my girlfriend/But you can’t because she is in Canada”
‘There’s a Fine, Fine Line’
When Kate catches the wedding bouquet, Princeton’s fear of commitment causes him to panic and ask if the two can just be friends. Kate breaks things off and sings this ballad about frustrated romantic hopes.
Key lyric: “There’s a fine, fine line between love and a waste of time”
‘There Is Life Outside Your Apartment’
After breaking up with Kate and shutting himself away in his apartment, Princeton is eventually coaxed outside by his neighbours. He runs into Lucy and heads home with her, seizing the opportunity for a rebound.
Key lyric: “There’s life outside your apartment/And you’re only gonna see it if you leave”
‘The More You Ruv Someone’
Upon hearing about Princeton and Lucy, Kate is hurt. Christmas Eve explains that love can often be accompanied by hate, and that her passionate feelings for Princeton suggest she’s in love with him.
Key lyric: “The more you love someone/The more you want to kill ’em”
‘Schadenfreude’
Nicky has been kicked out by Rod and has been bouncing between friend’s couches. Gary confesses that he’s taking enjoyment in Rod’s misfortune, introducing him to the German word ‘schadenfreude’, which describes how to feels to take happiness in the misfortune of others. Nicky is at first offended, but soon he admits that he understands the feeling.
Key lyric: “It’s Schadenfreude/Making me feel glad that I’m not you”
‘I Wish I Could Go Back To College’
As things start to fall apart even further, Princeton, Kate and Nicky dream of returning to college, romanticising their years as students. However, they know that if they really did go back to campus, they’d feel far too old to be there.
Key lyric: “I wish I could go back to college/In college you know who you are/You sit in the quad, and think, “Oh my God!/I am totally gonna go far!””
‘The Money Song’
Nicky is still homeless, and begs a quarter from Princeton. Although resistant, Princeton hands it over – and is astonished by how good it feels to be a good person. He decides on the spot that he’s going to raise the money to open the school for young monsters that Kate dreams of running. Nicky decides to solve his own problems by doing his own act of charity – finding Rod a boyfriend.
Key lyric: “When you help others, you’re really helping yourself”
‘School For Monsters/The Money Song (Reprise)’
Remembering his own terrible school experience, Trekkie Monster shocks everyone by donating ten million dollars, explaining that he made it by investing in porn. He believes that helping to open the school will heal some of the trauma he has from being rejected by his peers as a young monster.
Key lyric: “Now me have therapist/And work on this with her/But me no need me therapy/If Monster School a reality!”
‘There’s A Fine, Fine Line (Reprise)/What Do You Do With A BA In English (Reprise)’
Kate opens her new school, and all the residents of Avenue Q find ways to improve their situation, by large and small degrees. Kate agrees to give her relationship with Princeton another go.
When a newcomer moves into the building, Princeton decides that his purpose is to put everything he’s learned into a Broadway musical. Everyone ridicules him, including the new kid.
Key lyric: “What do you do with a BA in English?”
‘For Now’
The cast comforts Princeton, telling him that many people never find their purpose, and that’s okay. Everything is temporary, and life has many ups and downs. All he can do is tackle what’s in front of him.
Key lyric: “Except for death and paying taxes/Everything in life is only for now!”
Avenue Q is now playing at Shaftesbury Theatre – find tickets here
