Interview

Interview

MOTHICA: “You can always find reasons to keep existing”

MOTHICA talks the darkness and destruction of her forthcoming visual album Kissing Death and why she never wants to fall into the trope of the tortured artist


Having acquired the nickname MOTHICA as a troubled teen drawn to self-destructive tendencies, McKenzie Ellis is an artist with a penchant for the darker side of life. Merging the boundary-smashing alt rock tendencies of Bring Me The Horizon with the distinct gothic aesthetic of bands like My Chemical Romance, she’s been rewriting the rules for trauma-fuelled music since her start in the EDM scene at the age of 18.

Embracing her lifelong love of rock on guitar-driven 2022 album, Nocturnal, her shape-shifting blend of alt pop, metalcore and electronica has proved impossible to pin down. An outlet that satisfies not only her musical sensibilities, but her passion for graphic design and visual storytelling, she’s become known for her creation of vast fantasy worlds, weaving all-encompassing narratives through each of her releases.

Telling her story of depression, addiction and assault whilst refusing to fall into the damaging trope of the tortured artist, MOTHICA’s music is centred on overcoming. Her forthcoming visual album, Kissing Death, is a cathartic dance with death – an immersive story told across 12 tracks and their accompanying music videos, with each weaving into the next.

With her latest era swiftly approaching, and a string of UK headline dates lined up for this September, MOTHICA talks us through her artistic evolution, her love of storytelling, and why it’s so important to send the right message to her fans.

MOTHICA - NOCTURNAL (Official Music Video)

It’s been a couple of years now since Nocturnal, an album that marked a significant shift in the MOTHICA sound. That record delved into some heavier, more guitar-led territories, from metal breakdowns to pop, electronic and industrial influences. How empowering was it to be able to continue blending all these different sonic elements to create your own sound?

I’ve always dabbled in new genres, but I grew up on rock music and Warped Tour. That became a huge part of Nocturnal, but when I started making my new album, Kissing Death, I felt inspired by different sounds. I was drawn to darkwave, synthwave, and even a little bit of western, which was scary because there are lots of people who found me from my more rock-leaning songs. I don’t know if they’re going to like this new iteration of me, but I’ve always let the inspiration take me wherever it goes. 

Sonically, this new era is super different, but my imagery and styling has always had a darkness to it. I’ve had a bit of an identity crisis since Nocturnal, but people are multifaceted and have so many ways to express themselves. When I play rock festivals, I’ll play a set that caters to that audience, but then I have a set I can play that is more family friendly. I’m trying to keep exploring genres and doing each one in my own style – hopefully people stick around to see where it goes.

Storytelling was a huge part of Nocturnal, with everything from the artwork to the videos playing a part in the overall narrative. As you came out of that era and began looking towards what came next, was that idea of storytelling still fresh in your mind?

Nocturnal was my first attempt at making music videos and visuals with more of a budget. I learnt a lot, so with Kissing Death, I wanted the album to be one cohesive storyline. Part of being an artist is finding ways to tell the stories of the songs, and I’ve never been solely music-driven. Visuals are one of my favourite aspects of art-making, and I wanted to take on the type of project that only the top artists tend to do. People like Beyoncé and Halsey have huge budgets and can tell these cohesive stories with their albums, but could I do it with my little baby budget? 

The idea of Kissing Death started as a book, and I wanted to write about my experience with romanticising death as a teenager and how that changed as I grew up. However, I became very anxious and scared about that idea, and writing an album was an easier way to get those thoughts out. The book will happen eventually, but it was just important that I could tell a cohesive story. I wanted the songs to sound like a movie soundtrack.

MOTHICA - Curiosity Killed The Moth (Official Music Video)

Each of the 12 songs on this album has its own music video, and each of those videos weave into one another to tell a bigger story. From what we’ve seen so far in ‘Curiosity Killed The Moth’ and ‘DOOMED’, there’s a dark, cinematic feeling to these videos, where Death becomes the love interest. What can you tell us about how the story unfolds?

‘DOOMED’ is the ballad of the record, but whilst it’s the saddest song, there is a bit of humour in the record. It’s almost like a rom com, but it starts when I was a teenager, which is when I first thought about death. Across the record, the Grim Reaper is a metaphor for my suicidal and depressive thoughts. After ‘DOOMED’, the next few videos reflect my life a few years later. I’m fully engulfed in self-destruction, drinking and partying. 

When my hair is blonde and brown in the music videos, that’s the version of me who is trying to get better. She’s trying to get away from the Grim Reaper, and he’s almost like a toxic lover who keeps showing up in my life at the worst times. Even when I’ve gone through therapy or gotten sober, there are still times where these thoughts creep in, and that’s what Kissing Death is all about. In the title track I say, “I’m sick of kissing death, I’d rather be friends”. What that means is that I don’t want to have that tortured artist trope attached to me, and that’s something that has often been idolised. The artists who have gone too soon or committed suicide are the ones that become legends, but what happens if you don’t do that? If you try to better yourself, are you less of an artist? 

As the title suggests, Kissing Death explores the idea of death from many angles, taken from a particularly personal perspective. Obviously, death is something that unites us all, and that every person on earth will experience, but why did it feel so important for this record to delve into that topic?

The hardest thing about writing about death was that I don’t want to give anyone the type of existential crisis I faced. I don’t want to stress people out, and I don’t want people to hear the songs and think about that. That’s why I wrapped it up in this surrealist world and tried to insert some humour in there. The moment I realised that I wanted to talk about death though was when I developed an intense fear of flying on aeroplanes after I stopped drinking. I realised that it was because I have so much to look forward to, and so many things I want to finish, so the lack of control you have on aeroplane suddenly scared me. I realised that weirdly, that was a positive thing. I care about living now. 

It’s about grappling with those thoughts and what it means to choose a better way forward, but the album was delayed because I was going through such an intense period of depression. It was ironic, because I couldn’t finish my album about depression because I was depressed. It was important to push through though because often, when I speak to my fans, I learn that they’ve gone through something similar. I wanted to make something that was about me, and for me, but could also spin a positive message. Not in a cheesy ‘It gets better’ way, but in a way that still has a dark edge to it. You don’t have to be all rainbows, sunshine and butterflies to not die, and you can still have a twisted sense of humour about it.

MOTHICA - Doomed (Official Music Video)

Your music often touches on topics that could be considered uncomfortable, and a lot of people shy away from talking about death, and especially suicide. Why do you think it’s important that we talk about the realities of romanticising tragedy?

It’s something that’s on my mind a lot, and it’s something that I’ve struggled with. It’s always been portrayed in the media of the bands I grew up listening to, and it was painted as cool to be a tortured artist like Amy Winehouse. To be a good artist, you don’t have to put yourself through all these trials, but it’s difficult to unlearn that. 

Throughout my whole life, I thought that suicide would be my end. It always seemed inevitable because that’s what all my favourite artists did, but that’s such an unhealthy perspective to have as a teenager. I have younger fans now, and I wanted to make a piece of art to show that there’s another way to move forward. You can always find reasons to keep existing, and the thing that drives me the most is making more art and telling more stories. 

It’s important to note that whilst these songs may appear dark from a thematic standpoint, there’s an incredible amount of catharsis to be found in Kissing Death. Even when you’re delivering these deeply personal, often quite harrowing lyrics, is your music a vessel for you to find some comfort and resolution?

I write songs to get my emotions out, and it’s weird how a song can encapsulate your feelings better than your spoken words can. That’s what I’m always trying to chase, and I’m always thinking about how to put these complicated, traumatic experiences into two-and-a-half minute songs with a chorus hook. Writing songs for MOTHICA has always been a way to understand myself, but I usually try to inject a silver lining into my music. I’m careful about the message I send, because whilst I’ve been through self-harm, addiction, and all these other traumatic things, I never want my fans to idolise that about me. If they relate to me, that is very special, but I don’t want them to idolise it. I want them to idolise the fact that I’m still here, and I’m turning my life into something positive. 

A huge part of Nocturnal was collaboration, with LØLØ, American Teeth, and Au/Ra all playing a part in bringing those songs to life. When it came to Kissing Death was that spirit of collaboration still strong, or was this more of an independent project?

I worked with less people on this album, and over time my circle gets smaller. I love collaborating on songs with writers, but there are people who I’ve worked with for five years now who I want to keep building my relationship with. This album was mostly produced by David Burris, but I’m self-producing a lot of my newer unreleased stuff. 

I have a handful of people who I trust with my vision, which is important because when I started my career singing over EDM tracks, I would do sessions every day with people I’d never met. Sometimes, it was just a waste of my time. You’d meet someone, and they wouldn’t even know who you were, and they didn’t even know your music. It’s like being on a blind date every day, but you’re trying to communicate an emotional topic to people who you don’t even know. Now, I go to different people for different sounds. David Burris is great with synths, soundscapes and shoegaze influence, so he was an important part of this record.

Mothica - Mirage (Official Music Video)

Creating an album that’s so personal and vulnerable, do you put much thought into how people might connect to these songs?

Until I started doing meet and greets and having kids come up to me, I didn’t realise the impact it had. I’ve had multiple dads come up to me crying and saying, ‘I wish my daughter would listen to your music because she needs this’. Those moments break my heart, but it’s so sweet. I’ve even had someone as young as ten years old tell me that they contemplated taking their own life, which is heartbreaking. Those are the moments where I really get to feel the impact of what I’ve done, but when I’m putting stuff out online, I have no idea how people are connecting to it. Seeing the real-life impact has only confirmed to me that I need to keep writing about the harder subjects though. I’ve cried and hugged so many fans at this point, and that inspires me in everything I do.

Looking towards the UK shows, how are you planning to bring the world of Kissing Death to life onstage?

I still need to figure out what setlist I’m going to play! I’m doing a headline tour which means I’ll have time for more songs, which is exciting. I want to create a show that tells a story and has a flow to it, and I’m looking forward to having more than 30 minutes to do that in. I’m also working on upping my stage production, so I’m currently looking at how I can get a giant light up coffin over there. I’ve only played over in the UK a few times, so the fact that tickets are even selling is so heartwarming. I hope that these shows will bring me more of a fanbase in the UK and Europe so that I can keep coming back there.

Having ventured further into the visual side of your creativity on this record, what does the future hold for MOTHICA?

I have the seedlings of my next album starting already! I want to keep the visuals as a focus, and the idea that I’m working on right now was born from fan feedback. I’m often in my Discord, and some of the things that my community say have pivoted the way I’ve been working. I’ve never had that back-and-forth relationship with my fan base, but that’s now helping me piece together the next version of MOTHICA. 

I came into music as a visual artist who knew how to sing, so I’m coming into this industry in a backwards way. Performing is unnatural to me, and I’m not the type of musician who wanted to play Madison Square Garden when they were five. Music has been the last puzzle piece for me, and I’m hoping to find the people that love everything that I do, not just the music. I want to find the people who’ll look for the easter eggs and appreciate the details in my designs, because that’s a huge part of me. I’m so flattered when people think I have a big production team, because it’s just me. I’m doing everything I can to make this vision happen, and that’s what keeps me excited about the future. 


Kissing Death is out on 23 August.

MOTHICA will play shows in London, Manchester and Glasgow this September. Find tickets here.