The Bluffer’s Guide to the NFL at Wembley

Do you live for needle games? Do you like your scoring kicks to be over 40 yards? Do you absolutely despise the metric system? If you’ve checked all these boxes, you are ready to become an American football fan. Check out our guide to “gridiron” from

Football is appointment viewing every Sunday in America for families and sports fanatics alike who like shouting themselves hoarse. And while it may not have the continuous play that soccer does, those intense, nine-second flurries of action that result in an oblong ball being hurled down a field with pinpoint accuracy rival just about anything you can find on YouTube.

To appreciate the true spectacle of football, the NFL has scheduled two more regular season games in the UK, just for Brits. Although, to be fair, there’s nothing ‘friendly’ about these games. They count in the table tally or, as they call them in the States, ‘The Standings.’ Here’s what you need to know about the next two games coming to Wembley.


Sunday, October 26 – Atlanta Falcons vs. Detroit Lions

Have you heard? Detroit is back! Well, not as a real estate investment, but their baseball team is soaring and their NFL team, the Lions, are reliving the glory days they never had. Under new coach Jim Caldwell, the team may finally be turning the talent on the field into victories. After a disappointing four wins to 12 losses in 2013, the Falcons’ malaise has continued in 2014. Their high-flying offence has been neutralized by a defence that gives away more real estate than Habitat for Humanity.

Player to watch: Calvin Johnson, aka Megatron, is not of our species. The six-foot-five, 235 pound receiver can catch missiles with his bare hands and outrun anything made on the Detroit automotive assembly line. When the robots come — and they will come — you will be grateful that Megatron has chosen to align himself with humans. He will know what to do.

Our prediction: Expect lots of scoring. The team that has the ball last will likely win. We believe it will be Detroit.


Sunday, November 9 – Dallas Cowboys vs. Jacksonville Jaguars.

Much like Manchester United, the Dallas Cowboys draw fans from across the nation who find success a little more intoxicating than local pride. With a 5-1 record at the time of writing, Cowboys fans are firing their six-shooters in the air, pre-celebrating a trip to the Super Bowl, the sport’s championship game. As for the Jaguars, well, if there was relegation in the NFL, Jacksonville would have sewn up their trip south before the season starts.  Instead, they will earn the same amount of television money as the Cowboys and likely get the best player in college football next year as a reward.

Player to watch: Dallas quarterback Tony Romo is the Mona Lisa of pro football. Is he a work of art or a decidedly average drawing of an average-looking person? Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. For Cowboys fans, Romo is as handsome as his last play.

Our prediction: The score may be closer than anticipated as the Cowboys expect an easy victory. It is the Cowboys’ manifest destiny to win this game.

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Don’t miss seeing these sporting giants take to the pitch, get your tickets for both of these games here, now.